Ring in the New Year!

This year, I decided the Roomie and I are going to live "Healthier" lives. That is my resolution. (For those out there that know me, you know how I get- I tend to over-do things... not a fault, just a... defining characteristic.) January 2nd (can't do ANYTHING even remotely productive the first day of the year- scientific fact) rolled around and I did a little "House Cleaning" of all the carbs. Pretzels, uncooked pasta, granola bars, anything that resembled a carb to me- garbage. I decided we are going to do a modified-Paleo diet- low in carbs, high in veggies, meat, fish, fruit, and nuts. (10 days in, so far so... mediocre.)

So I found all these Paleo-help websites, bought an app for my phone (big guns), pulled out all the stops. We are doing this, this is our year! Anyway, I got together a few Paleo-friendly recipes and a grocery list for our new way of life. NEVER Paleo shop when you're hungry. We got avocados, grapes, bananas, clementines, tuna steaks, COD STEAKS (WTF are those?!), almonds, pistachios, WALNUTS?!, we WENT nuts! Anyway, the whole house would be full- floor to ceiling- of healthy options. (Most would go bad before we could even get to eating them, but whatever- we had choices, and they were good ones.)

We get home- exhausted from all the good decision making- and start to put away the groceries. Clearly frozen fish is cheaper than fresh, so I go to put it all away and what do I find? 

Now... I've been a little hard on Roomie with this whole "Healthy New Year" dieting shit, so it breaks my heart that this is all she has to stash away. I let her keep it... but don't think I'm not monitoring the levels... 

Love of the Game

I'm not much of a sports fan. I'll go watch games for the food and drinks, not really the games themselves. But this year, with both of my sisters having gone to Notre Dame, and having been to about a million games myself, I felt a certain Irish Pride. It was exciting. 

The other night, the roommate was traveling, so I was home alone watching the game. My younger sister is in California living with 2 dudes, my older sister is living in New York City with her fiancee. That meant my sisters (both ND Alum) were having a party of at least more than 1 person for the game. No worries. I was still going to watch. But when I learned of their groupings, I got a little... self-conscious? Insecure? I don't know... OK fine, lonely. So I invited my friend, Fox, to hang out with me. 

I'm in a house, all alone. Don't judge me.

Anyway... What progressed from this was my pretending that Fox was an actual friend at a party. A die-hard Notre Dame fan. I will now show how I narrated the game through images of Fox.

Here he is at the beginning, just settling in with a beer.

 

This is him around the end of the first, beginning of the second quarter. He couldn't even look. And I wasn't judging him... but he moved on to some harder stuff... I'm pretty sure he bet some monopoly money on this game...

Things were getting really bad at this point... My sisters friends (also ND Alum) were responding to his pain... Ed, in New York City, was breaking into the good stuff... 

Rolly, out in San Francisco took things a bit further... We really thought he was going to light himself on fire... 

Ed finished his special reserve and moved on to the next two bottles... Things were getting bad at this point...

Well... Fox took that wave and the stove as a farewell and sent this back:

Then Ed, thinking Fox was serious, couldn't live without Fox and responded with this... 

Fox couldn't take it. It was his fault, Ed was gone. So he took to the streets and gambled his life away.

No one's heard from Rolly since, we just assume his fur caught on fire and he's in the hospital out in San Francisco somewhere. He doesn't have insurance, so we're all praying for him. Ed survived with a lost arm from the electric shock of the bath tub. (Really been milkin that arm with the ladies... Last I heard he was telling them he just got back from Iraq...) I found Fox throwing dice in a sidewalk gambling ring, we both knew it was time for rehab. Until next year...

Home is Where Your Mom is.

That's the saying on the soap jar in my mom's kitchen. You're probably asking, "Why is she living with her mom?" because I ask myself that every day. But the truth is, I have no where else to go. 

After College I moved to New York City with my sisters- great time. A lot of fun. A lot of friends, good times. A lot of people... A lot of traffic, noise... A LOT of money. Couldn't afford it, and didn't want to. I also wanted to travel- itchy feet and all that. So, I packed up and left the good 'ol Apple and headed off to South Korea to teach English. One year rolls around, and it's already time for me to leave! What?! I'm not ready! So, I packed up again... traveled for a few months... and, grudgingly, came home. To where my mom is. 

Please notice who is watching over the soap's shoulder...